Bioshock Write-Up

             I know I'm probably a little late to the party (like to the point where it's not even fashionable and everyone's died or some shit and I'm standing in the midst of a few hundred skeletons because I was late and everyone died waiting for me and then I feel guilty so I take myself out for pizza because I'm sad because my friends are now all dead and I'm like Marius but it's worse because I then realize I never even had friends in the first place and I don't get invited to parties and if I did they wouldn't wait for me to show up and I'm just stuck at home and I write the worlds worst blog about my situation and I'm in the fucking matrix). Yeah my life is a blast guys!
             But despite my lateness, I've recently become re-obsessed with the Bioshock series, and so it follows that, since I've been looking for theories that I can fully agree with and support, or just interesting theories, on the events which occurred (or maybe did not occur if you catch my drift) in the Bioshock series and. I've been forming my own theories on the matter and I've decided to write up my own, fairly lengthy summary, and explanation, of each part of the series. I'm currently debating whether to include Bioshock 2... Hmmm... Comment your thoughts and I'll take heed of your advice.
             So I'll pretty much just give my theories on each event and hopefully you'll comment any agreements, disagreements, or just your own theories. I'll probably post this tomorrow or the day after because I have a lot of time on my hands and no parties to attend apparently so yeah hopefully I'll stick to that deadline this time. My villains list is coming along quite nicely so we should expect that to start next week. I'll post one villain a day for 100 days in a countdown.

In the meantime stay tuned :-P

Thank You For 1000! Milestone 1: The First Avenger

Milestone 1 has been reached, and I've decided to name each milestone as we get there...

So 250 page views has become...   The Captain's Quarters...
500 is now...                                  Livin' On a Prayer...
750...                                            Three of Four
1000...                                          THE FIRST AVENGER!
3...                                                Half Life 3 confirmed!!!

Thank you so so much! Stay tuned :P

I AM EXTREMELY SORRY! EXTREMELY!

YEAH ERMMMMMMMMMMMMM SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYY.............

So...... It's been eleven months... Erm............. Yeah...

But, butttttt!!! You may be happy to know that the top 100 Heroes and Villains lists will both come next month sometime. I really think you'll be enRAPTUREd by my list, I think you'll find it quite MARVELlous but I don't want us to FALLOUT if you think it's bad. Just a few clues as to who you think will be on there.
I've also decided to do a top 100 supporting characters list, on which we don't have to have main characters or heroes and villains because that's just bullshit!

Oh and please say you understood all of my shitty clues because they were pretty fucking obvious... Come on guys I even used caps!

"The Wolverine" Review... Long Overdue...

Hey, I'm a poet and KMN I just started a sentence with "I'm a poet"... So this was promised maybe a month ago, I don't recall, because I had one of those common breaks I have which I probably promised I wasn't going to have anymore... yeah... let's forget I said that... And most of you probably forked out the ten dollars to go and see the movie while I was away, so here's to no fucking pageviews! By the way thanks for helping me to pass 600 pageviews I'm getting pretty pumped, and also, the 'Villains' thing has been put on hold following an incident involving a re-kindled obsession, an Ocarina of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff, a sword that acts like a 7 year sleeping pill, a princess who could do my job for me but decides to screw with me by pretending to be a boy, and appearing in every dungeon... at the very end.... Then she a bit of a laugh at the mile long death count I've collected up on a child's game from the creator's of Pikmin.
             So yeah, life's good, other than the fact that my old love for the PlayStation, 'Monsters Inc. Scare Island' was pronounced dead and my nostalgic feelings were shattered like glass and stabbed through my heart... But other than that, yeah I'm hanging in there...
             Anyway, back to the main subject... The Wolverine... So here's how the post is going to play out. I shall do a very unprofessional review of the movie, have my ass handed to me on a silver platter with a side of Rotten Tomatoes because their reviews will blow mine out of the water... Sit all night and click refresh for the 27,053rd time, staring at the comments bar and waiting for my Hogwarts acceptance letter which my parents told me got lost in the mail... hopefully it will come today, because as the second most overused meme of the internet (after Aragorn's famous line) would dictate... NO POST ON SUNDAY'S!
             And that is my night kids... Anyway I should start the review...

So I saw The Wolverine a few weeks ago and I'm not gonna start like that it's the queerest thing ever... So Hugh Jackman recently snapped up his second solo role in an X-Men movie, without his band of merry men, or as some might say, his band of more realistically storylined Avengers. Ah yes, the Australian might be considered the parallel of Iron Man, matching even the acting talents of Robert Downey Jr. in his role as the smooth talking lone wolf that is Tony Stark. You can probably see a few similarities between the two, neither give a fraction of a shit about life, neither really work well in groups (although both are key parts of at least one)... Indeed, most would consider them lone wolverines (see what I did there)...

PLOT SPOILERS AHEAD!

So maybe Wolverine pulled out his claws in bed, which kinda sounds like a metaphor meaning "he popped the question during sex", but he still attracts women like Black Friday does American's. I've always considered it to be a stupid holiday, but I must say, trampling your fellow American citizens to get 10 cents off a copy of this movie is the right thing to do. The movie combines a brilliant blend of story, characters, special effects and total badassery, an slots in to the jigsaw puzzle that is the X-Men series perfectly as a follow up to the trilogy and a prequel to the upcoming 2014 movie. But the movie, as with Jackman's previous solo movie as the lone wolf, did have its fair share of flaws, and it seems that although his character is an all around, all boxes ticked badass, the general public prefers seeing him with some... how should we put it... actual friends. The absence of Cyclops, Storm and his other chums has taken its toll on the movie, it's like a chair with one leg to stand on, and is lacking in some aspects more than others.

Storyline

Other than regular appearances by Jean Grey in Logan's dreams, to support him and remind him that he killed her and he has hurt her, and cause him to pull out his bad boys in bed (for the first of two occasions in the movie), barely any, if any, appearances are made by X-Men, which lets the film down on the story side, as it cuts him off from almost all ties with the group. On one side this could be a good thing, It gives him a chance to flex his adamantium shiz and gives the company a chance to flex their wallets and reel in more money. 

             However, this was not the side the coin landed on, and instead the lone wolf was placed in solitary confinement, away from all of his friends, and the story suffered as a result. Fortunately we had his redheaded samurai friend to protect him and be his replacement buddy while the directors fill their wallets, smoke, dabble in directing another movie, smoke, and smoke. But she wasn't a big enough leg to stand on, and watching wolfy for 2 hours or so does get a little tedious. Overall, the story was fast-paced and exciting, with believable characters, a brilliant story, but just no in-between time and no breaks from the main story. His character has no space to breathe, because he has no social life, he has no family, he isn't rich, his lover is dead, his friends have pissed off, he isn't a playboy coated in metal, he isn't a god, he isn't a passively badass S.H.I.E.L.D agent... He gets pissed in the woods with a half dead bear... (I got very emotional at this point.)

             So to sum up all of my unprofessional shiz, great story, no breaks.

Characters

This will be short, because I mentioned all of this in the previous section, but this section was lacking a bit as well. Again, no X-Men, but a cheap replacement who can only defend herself when she's snogging the person she wants to stab. Then we have our badass redhead who chops vodka bottles in half. There's our evil robotic dude who reminds me of Whiplash due to both there huge robotic appearances, and tendencies to regularly be pulled apart by men infused with metal. We also have Viper, who's just there because she wants to be, and helps Yashida for some unknown reason, because why would she do it for free? She's a bitch, and he's filthy rich! I'm rhyming again. But anyway, we finally have a weird archer guy who helps and then hinders wolvy. 

             You may have noticed the key factor, which I tried to represent in the way I wrote it, is that the character's are in no way intertwined, they are all unrelated, and pulled together by a bit of a jerky story, like a puzzle missing a few pieces. It's not like in Iron Man, where Tony previous associations to help him, and give him a few dramas in-between his badassery, or Cap, who has a whole army... and friends... Unfortunately for him, wolvie has to have brand new characters introduced, because his old story can't be returned to, and he has future commitments with the X-Men, so he needs a short story to be shat out before the next movie. Basically...

While in Nagasaki, Japan during World War II, Logan saves the life of a young man named Yashida with untapped potential, and who Logan has no idea will one day become Japan's richest man. Suddenly the modern day is thrust upon us, and while living in solitude surrounded by dying bears (whom he feels the need to avenge) and thick woodland, Logan meets Yukio (Rila Fukushima), a young redheaded Japanese girl by whom he is whisked away in a car to visit who else but Japan's richest man, Yashida. The flourishing empire which Yashida has built needs a ruler, but he doesn't feel ready to let go of it just yet, and so rewording the sentence, "you can't die, give me your Philosopher's Stone", he explains how he wishes to relieve Logan of his pain as an immortal being, and take his power away. What was planned as a one day trip suddenly turns into a game of tug of war between Logan and the Yakuza, with the recently dead Yashida's grand-daughter Mariko serving as the rope. 

             During Yashida's funeral, the young lady is snagged by some thugs who are working for her would be husband, unbeknownst to her. This is where the movie decides to shit on itself repeatedly... Mariko is passed between the two sides, until finally managing to be kidnapped by Viper (who was Yashida's doctor) and friends, reveal themselves. We then have an archer who comes along with some black clad ninja dicks who literally play tug of war while spearing wolfy in the street. All in all, after losing some claws, regaining his bone claws (or rather losing his adamantium skeleton), Yashida being a dick, a pretty badass samurai fight with Mariko's dad somewhere in the mix, Hugh Jackman, being badass, manages to defeat the robotic fiend who should have died seventy years beforehand, and all after removing and replacing his heart. The movie is redeemed by a hint at the upcoming Days of Future Past, but other than that, goes awry halfway through and doesn't really pick it back up, a bit like this review because I'm tired and a shit writer.

My next review will probably be on The Mortal Instruments, Percy Jackson or Monsters University, and will most likely be longer, because right now I'm tired and the quality of my writing is going downhill like the movie I just unsuccessfully reviewed. However, despite the bad points I reviewed, I didn't get to fully explain the movie, and I do think it was very good. And so the verdict is, 7/10.

Anyway, I'm tired, but, stay tuned for tomorrow! :D

The Doctor of Twelvieness!

*SPOILER* If You Haven't Heard the Announcement, You May or May Not Want to Read

The new Doctor isn't exactly who I was hoping for (which was Daniel Radcliffe) and he wouldn't have been my second choice either, or third... I'm just hoping he does a good job. I know they want someone different to Matt Smith but I was hoping for someone similar... He was an amazing Doctor, and I was personally hoping for someone younger than the Doctor we got... I know that sounds a little harsh, but the younger Doctors like Matt Smith and David Tennant, who I personally think are funnier although I can't pretend I've watched every Doctor performing.

Matt Smith and David Tennant have to be my favourite Doctors however... they're funny, but can become very angry, and they have some awesome companions... Amy and Rory Williams, Rose Tyler, Martha Jones and Clara (Oswin) Oswald are some of the best characters to ever cross our screens in my opinion, but I still think I'd make a great companion... I have my own TARDIS and everything... We could go to Pandora... meet some blue people...

But now for anyone still reading, it's time for the reveal... unless you've already watched in which case what are you doing here.....................................................................................................................................

(Spoilers are after the break.........)

Disney Potentially Un-fucked 'Star Wars'

Star Wars Potentially First Thing In The Universe To Regain Virginity, In A Galaxy Far Far Away...

Sorry for the small reference, but I couldn't resist. I assume most of you are going to potentially riot about this, but personally I loved The Clone Wars movie and TV series. So before you go chopping off Mickey Mouse's dick and hanging it on a flagpole, just know that Disney have un-fucked Star Wars in my opinion.

Star Wars Rebels, which premieres Autumn 2014, is the physical embodiment of Star Wars' virginity, being bestowed upon them by Disney. As concept art shows, the style will pull away drastically from the manga style of The Clone Wars and pull towards a more worn look which will hopefully give it an Original Trilogy type of feeling.

A gritty, rusted style has been patched over the original logo, and the new concept art reveals a remarkable adherence to the Episode IV concept art by Ralph McQuarrie, and his general style (which I have to say is amazing). Here is some of McQuarrie's older concept art...

Ewoks!

C'mon guys, group photo!

Damn girl...

How cute please...

Jabba... Need I Say More

Looks like Dungeons and Dragons...

The music is playing in my head...

BOOM!!!

Vader's crotchpad is the best...

Very nice series of artwork there, showcasing McQuarrie's unique art style, a very, very nice art style at that, which I'm thankful we'll be seeing more of in 2014, even though it will not be drawn up by him. No, but a set of digital brushes has been developed so as to do his artwork justice and allow the artists to closely match his style. Some of the new concept art created for the series reveals a little bit of new information about the world of Star Wars, in the form of a new ship...

Presenting, the newest addition to the Rebel fleet... 'The Ghost'

Described as a cross between a B-17 and the Millennium Falcon, the ship

certainly fits in with the timeline, as the show is set just before Episode IV. 

This piece especially shows that the artwork is aimed to look like that of Episode IV, and

displays the pleasant image of ships crashing... The artwork was unveiled at Star Wars Celebration Europe by the supervising director on The Clone Wars, Dave Filoni. 

I'm hoping everyone is excited for the new movies, Episode VII in 2015... And I'm hoping Disney have redeemed themselves from Club Penguin with Star Wars shit in it... Way to stab a franchise in the heart 100 times... Although I am looking forward to the Phineas and Ferb specials which feature Marvel and Star Wars. 

Anyway guys, stay tuned :P

  

Ooooooohhhhhhh We're Halfway There! Woaaaaahhhhhhhhh, Livin' on The Internet!

We Reached A Massive 500 Pageviews and I Slept Through It!!!!!

So yeah, thanks for all of the support guys, we reached 500 in my sleep, so technically, I can blog in my sleep... But back to business, we have over 500 pageviews, so thanks to you guys for getting me there. The bottom line, Top 100 ain't starting today... There is just no physical way I can do it without rushing a random villain out onto the blog, without any consideration as to who it is. Sorry guys...

But I might get a couple of really short posts out about some recent tech stuff, and tomorrow I'll be reviewing The Wolverine on the blog, so hopefully it won't be horrible. Also, this months favorites post should be out by the 7th, although it isn't really monthly anymore, it's more like every time I get bored of people trying to be philosophical by telling the world that they "don't care if I get picked on because of my quiff [that is even larger than the Media Intel Service writer's penis, impressively] because I want to be different!". Jog on son, jog on...

Anyway, I might get a post or two spat out before tomorrow so stay tuned...